


my last words to you

by jiminsphans



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, How Do I Tag, Lowercase, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sad Ending, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 07:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12552368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiminsphans/pseuds/jiminsphans
Summary: junhui loses the one person he loved the most and finds out briefly why he was never told the truth.





	my last words to you

it was late november and junhui wrapped his dark jumper tightly around his torso, attempting to put heat into his body as he took slow steps through the gloomy shadowed corridor. the hospital corridors weren’t normally this cold but due to temperatures dropping outside, the rawness of outside seeped its way throughout the building. junhui had been visiting the hospital every day for around five months and three days, he had been counting every single day. as he walked through, the undisturbed corridors of the other patients suffering just like his boyfriend was, drove junhui to insane heartache. 

shuffling his feet around the corner and past a small bench placed outside of another empty hospital room, junhui arrived at the door he had come into contact many of times before. after taking a deep breath, the taller dark-haired boy peered around the wooden sterilized door to see if any nurses were around to do their daily examinations on minghao.

but to junhui’s delight, today there were no nurses within sight. it was just himself and minghao for the first time in a while.

minghao had been suffering from an illness the hospital soon came to discover that the younger had been living with from a very young age. without an actual explanation as to how this came around, or what it was, there was no cure. well, so the doctors had said after the first month of minghao being rushed into hospital after collapsing during their weekend dance practises and not waking up for two weeks. this was all behind the reason they never got to be alone. although, the younger boy was never awake due to him being put into an induced coma shortly after they diagnosed him for tests to be done, so it was never as if the nurses stopped them from talking.  

the smaller boy lay peacefully in the white linen sheets of the hospital bed. his once deep dark eyes closed over, and his long eyelashes laid perfectly above his cheekbone which sat out, structuring his face. the darkness of his hair contrasted against his snow coloured skin and his plump pink lips were now cracked, tinted a light shade of purple. minghao’s face was sunken, and his collarbone prominently sat out, averting the attention from his facial features.

junhui pulled a chair over beside the younger boy, sitting down slowly, afraid to move too fast in case he made a collision with the machines connected to minghao. he reached his hand over and lifted the smaller’s stone cold hand into his as slow as he could manage. the older boy was not only scared of hitting the machines but was scared in case he broke one of the younger’s bones due to him being so frail. after giving minghao's hand a gentle reassuring squeeze, a warm tear rolled down the older boy's tanned face. junhui wiped it away quickly with the sleeve of his black jumper and quickly retreated his arm back around his body. a heavy sigh escaped his lips as he looked down at his lap.

"hey hao..." junhui whispered, not wanting to talk too loudly in case the nurses heard him. "i really miss you." looking back up at the younger boy, the knot in junhui's throat grew tighter, attempting to hold back a loud sob.

"i wish," junhui stopped for a moment, he recollected himself before continuing. “...i wish that you would wake up for me. come on minghao, it has been five months, you aren't normally this late." junhui smiled weakly at his remark as tears continued uncontrollably rolling down his face. he didn’t care anymore about crying, he had been holding it in the whole time and it had been tearing junhui apart piece by piece. still looking at the younger, he sat and waited for a reply, or even a smile from the pale boy. but instead silence was the only thing that filled the room.

it was no longer minghao's soft laughter that filled junhui's ears or the loud humming of a song junhui had heard so many times but minghao was humming so he didn’t mind. nor was it the younger boy’s music playing loudly through his earphones which would have been left on the counter. it was just silence.

the only thing that could be heard was soft footprints of the nurses scurrying around outside of the door, attending to the other sick patients, and the constant quiet beeps from his heart monitor connected to the younger, giving junhui the slight hope minghao will awake soon.

junhui looked at the black watch tied around his thin wrist. he had an hour before visiting hours were over. another hour of sitting in a white walled room next to the person he cared about the most. next to the only person who believed in him whenever junhui felt worthless. the only person who kept junhui smiling through the toughest of times and the one person who truly cared for and loved junhui.

the older boy stood up. he decided to look through the small cabinet situated beside the younger’s hospital bed to see if any of his belongings needed taken home due to minghao not being able to use them for a while or just to be nosey as he really had nothing else to be doing. kneeling down after opening the small drawer, junhui pushed aside medical forms that had been stuffed in by the nurses, and rummaged through looking for the things he knew minghao owned.

after pushing past old packets of tissues and three pairs of broken headphones junhui had left there himself, the dark-haired boy lifted out what looked like a small photo album hidden deep at the back. junhui closed over the drawer and paced back around to where he was situated originally. placing himself into the red hospital armchair, he looked over the cover with glossy eyes and ran his longer slender fingers across it, admiring the detail of the front page.

it was, or what seemed to be, an old scrapbook of which minghao must have owned from a younger age. a bold title written as 'my memories' was plastered in the middle of the front page, in off-white shaded, foam stickers. there were golden star stickers in all four corners with dates written underneath them. opening the book, there was a small polaroid of a baby minghao and dates ranging from his birthday to his first day he began to walk. filtering through the other pages, there was one page that caught his eye. stopping, junhui opened the page to find small cut out pictures of both boys, stuck down with cellotape and small pink heart stickers floating around the pictures. turning over to the next page, there were dates covering the it with small notes written beside them to explain what happened on that day. the page following was another polaroid of junhui and minghao with a note wedged into the crease of the book. lifting out the small piece of paper, he unfolded it and scanned his eyes over it. it was a note addressed to junhui himself, written in the boy's own native language instead of the Korean, of which they normally had write in for work. inhaling a breath, junhui sank himself further into the uncomfortable chair and began to read over the neat handwriting printed onto the page with black ink.

 

_'dear junhui,_

_if you are reading this, i have passed away or i am in a state of which i am going to die. in this note i just want to tell you that i am sorry. when you are reading this, i will have known for a while that i will pass sooner than expected for the both of us and therefore i have written you this note in advance._

_today is the eighth of june. junhui, it is our forth year anniversary. today at around eleven am, i received a phone call to tell me i only had under six months to live. i couldn't bear to tell you because today is our special day and i would ruin it. keeping this a secret will be hard, but i hope you understand why i did it._

_i want you to know that i love you. i love you so much. i never wanted to leave you like this, nor did i want to keep this from you, but i did it for the best. i did it to keep us together and to not let this put a barrier between us in anyway. i did it so you could stay happy, so you wouldn't have to worry that i could drop down at any moment._

_remember when we made up all those rhymes and wrote songs late at night when we had nothing else better to do? remember all those times we just cuddled inside with blankets instead of going to that party everyone in our friendship group was going to? i will forever cherish those memories that we shared even when i am gone._

_promise me junhui that when i leave, continue with life. don’t ever let my passing be the reason you are held back from so many opportunities. keep that beautiful smile on your face, let the entire world see it. promise me you will accomplish your dreams and if you ever need me, i will always be by your side, even when I am gone._

_i will forever be thankful for everything you have ever done for me. thank you for caring and loving me when no one else did. thank you for always being there. and thank you for becoming my best friend, boyfriend and soulmate._

_i love you junhui, and i always will'_

 

keeping a firm grip around the thin piece of paper, junhui let tears flow down his face. minghao knew all along that he was ill, but kept it a secret so junhui could be happy while he was walking and laughing, and not worrying that he could be lying in the hospital bed, fighting for his life at any point. folding the piece of paper back to its original state, junhui placed it carefully back into the book and closed the front cover. setting it into his backpack to take home for safe keeping, junhui wiped the dampness of his tears crawling down onto his neck and looked back up at his boyfriend. leaning into the hospital bed, the older boy took minghao’s fragile hand back into his and give it another gentle squeeze, like he had done when he first arrived, in hope minghao would give the slightest of a squeeze back to reassure junhui he was going to survive, and everything will be okay. taking a deep breathe, junhui looked over minghao’s frail body then back onto his face.

and that was it.

junhui had just lost the one person he loved and cared for the most in the entire world.

a long ring was heard throughout the room from the device connected to the smaller boy. junhui looked up with the slightest of hope that this wasn’t some kind of alarm, but the line lay flat. without even realising, within seconds junhui’s hand was detached from minghao’s and the older was pushed backwards as nurses filtered in and out of the room. they pulled needles out of his arm and wheeled machines that stood firmly beside the younger boy, who lay paler than before, out of the room.

after minghao was stripped of everything that attempted to keep him alive, the nurses left. leaving junhui in complete silence, just like before but a different atmosphere within the room. junhui took two small cautious steps towards the bed. he stood straight, waiting at the end of the hospital bed with hope for minghao to awake and tell him it was all a joke. he stood waiting for minghao to kiss him, hug him and tell him everything is going to be okay, just like junhui hoped at the start. but to junhui's despair none of that happened.

instead, junhui was standing at the end of the bed which held the lifeless boy he loved in front of him. the older boy brought his left hand up, covering his mouth with it to avoid loud sobs pouring out, keeping his right hand clutched around his waist for some kind of comfort. tears continuously fell down his face as he made his way around to crouch down beside the younger boy he loved.

too afraid to touch him, junhui just studied minghao and his features. he was paler than when junhui first arrived, his once dark fluffy hair was fading along with the rest of his body. the younger’s lips now lay a darker purple than before and the corners fading in with the paleness of his face.

wiping the tears away from his eyes, junhui stood back up. he leaned over the smaller boy and left a light kiss on minghao's temples before turning away and walking towards the door. with his hands on the door handle, junhui turned around to see the younger one last time. looking at the minghao, junhui copied the boys last words from his letter before walking out the door for the final time,

 

_"i love you minghao, and i always will."_

**Author's Note:**

> hi!  
> this is my first work on here. i hope you all enjoyed it :)


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